Inlitterati Lumen Fidei

Every time someone takes a picture of another human being a ghost is born. Every time a recording is made a ghost of that voice and surrounding sound is created. And every time a life is created that ghostly energy will never leave this universe. Those who choose not to believe in the faith of any god are doing so with the faith that this energy carries on until the reflection of our universe is somehow demolished by something powerful beyond belief. When does the motion of our lives begin? Is it before we are created or after? This eternal loop is such a complex puzzle. Are we simply placed back into a file cabinet until that exuded energy is ready to come forth once more? The duality of man will never end without intervention either coming from a greater understanding of astrophysics or billions of years of evolution. 

"I'm an ocean, abyss in motion."

Difference is Time

"On my headstone it will be written, 'Life is hard even if you cheat'."

Let us drink a toast to the times in life when everything seems to be going just right. When the world kindly decides not to throw any curve balls in your direction. There is truly nothing wrong in your life. So then ask yourself the question, "What is the difference between now and then?" You are the same person living in the same convoluted world as before. Yet somehow things have kindly fallen into place as if some high power has granted your soul a brief yet full fulling gauge on what happiness feels like. Looking at this a little closer it becomes clear that rationally the good times will end and we are left to feel the emptiness of knowing that at one time we were on top of the world. So does that mean the true desire is mediocrity? Or can we realize that life is just a dream followed by a nightmare followed by a dream. Just make sure there is blood left in your heart to make sure your still alive.

Miss June '75

Can't take the fact that my mind is bound to be completely lost to a woman. The woman, or maybe just women in general. Chances are almost certain that the opposite sex will creep their way into my thought dreams. How can you really hide that feeling buried deep within our genetics to lose ourselves to that special someone. It's as certain as the moon. But the moon has many colors. I see red, orange, green, purple, blue all surrounding it like a luminous aura shedding a glorious ferocity that is not to be defeated. There is truly no way to escape the encapsulating feeling brought on by the wave of sexuality that engulfs the mind every day. Subtract loneliness and you still have that potent lure of a warmth cured by only one thing. The quenching thirst can never be relinquished because on the other side there is always a constant sound. 

"Don't stop. I'm almost there." 

Father to a Sister of Thought

Normality is such a rotten little device. We are all so uncomfortably and it hurts. So please everyone stop trying to pretend that you are comfortable, because we are all looking for unsure faces that have no clue as to where they will be in the end. Nobody knows the future, they can only grasp on like a roller coaster for dear life and hope they end up in the free world. I'm just a man and I bind with my hooks while I read my fictional books. But I do know that I'm leaning into the end. There is no other way to lean. We all wish and hope that the tires will tread lightly on the fault line. But in the end we will pray that we'll never go. The truth is that we are all going to slide guitar into the gully, and when that sled comes we may as well be poetic in our departure. 

"Angel of Corpus Christi you're so mystic."

Stay Gold

"The stars are always shining, while the world is sadly pining, for something so meaningless and small, hoping not to fall."

Finding and keeping a job isn't the difficult part. The key is to stop yourself from getting lost in the rut of a singular existence. The appearance of love is always special, but as the world turns so do the circumstances. Regardless of whether your significant other firmly plants their roots into your life, there will always be cracks. They may be tiny to begin with, but slowly they will open and the bane of what you have created will slip and melt into the sun. Look into the wide open ocean and realize that every day is special despite the constant rising and setting of the sun.

Tom Courtenay

Childhood is over once we realize that our dreams will never come true. The dreams still persist, but rarely will they come ever to pass. Thus life becomes about finding an inner peace in knowing that our childhood fantasies are going to fade with time. Eventually even the memories are either blurred or forgotten completely. So why waste any time thinking about the past or the future when all we truly have is this moment in time. Sure the needle will keep spinning on the record player and every song will eventually fade, but that doesn't take away from the moment of happiness we felt during a certain chord. 

"So now I'm looking for a lucky charm, with a needle hanging out of its arm."

Silverado Days

Youth is a moment in time. A past monument that only exists in a saturated velocity of intrepid memories. Crazy times await in the future of what is to come. There is rarely an experience worth remembrance that doesn't feature brief breathes of embarrassment. Then they get replaced like the tide washing upon the sand. The words lose all meaning when they are said. Shot out like cannons into a dust bowl, we don't intend to reciprocate our thoughts into a fixed point in time. Without intention or maybe even a lack of correspondence to the repercussions of our youth that is tender than ever.

 

"Cause even though we don't mean what we say, we throw our words like bombs and hand grenades."

 

The Beulah tune always ignites all those trap door memories. Those times you'll never forget, but you wish you could. That heavy feeling that erupts wishing you could disappear into the mountains, change your identity and live the rest of this brief light slowly burning out. Then there are those arms always out stretched with snug warmth making escape only a dream.

Liar

There are times in life where nothing seems to be going your way. That is when you brain decides to lie to itself. Does that make you a liar? Or is it just our way of deciphering the faults that can so often overwhelm. These are just decisions that make up our existence. Nothing matters when it's all just pretend. There is such comfort in falsity that it can blanket the sensations that are real. Just take a step back an realize that all these little tremors are minor clogs in a uniquely ambivalent machine. Finding ways to avoid the tremor is the key. Mother nature has a kind way of allowing the mixed up images and making them a simple disposition. So remember to always create and never destroy. And always remember that if something seems too real to be true, close your eyes and forget about it all for a little while.

 

We Dance

"Check that expiration date man, it's later than you think."

We all just prance around this life in a bitter misunderstanding as to what to feel and do. There is no true presence of mind to call our own. It is only a tiny light that shines with little direction. Enjoyment comes in places where you least expect them, in a smile or a phrase or a melody. There is no timetable as to when you will expire. So enjoy yourself while you can, because I won't be there to lift you.  

 "First time you see and then you'll be five times forever and you'll never get lost." 

Doctor Sleep

Stephen King's sequel to The Shining is a kick ass story, but it's not scary. In the afterword King is baffled as to why Stanley Kubrick's film version of his novel is so universally considered one of the most terrifying films of all time. So why did King pen a sequel that fails to scare us? There have been five adaptations of King's work that are even worth viewing and the only remotely scary film is Carrie. Kubrick's film is more of comedic take on horror films, which is likely why King show's such disdain for the film. Light's being placed where ghosts appear, arrows pointed towards the sky suggesting aliens, chairs misplaced in what may or may not be continuity errors, televisions working without electricity, these are all clear clues that Kubrick is poking fun at the work of a really talented writer. I enjoyed Doctor Sleep immensely, but for King to state this is a follow up to the book and not the film is just plain silly. Images from the film are so aggressively engraved into so many people's minds it's impossible not to compare the bucked tooth Wendy Torrance with the villainous Rose the Hat, or the irony of Jack mocking Wendy for wanting to take Danny to a Doctor. In the end Doctor Sleep is like a great big Cadillac with no scares inside. It really should be pushed as a fantasy novel instead of horror.

Nirvana

Music from the 90's is vastly underappreciated. Kurt Cobain had his day in the sun, so here are five other bands that stimulate the emotion the late rock star named his band after.


The Brian Jonestown Massacre

All it took to fall in love with this band was to take one listen to "(David Bowie I Love You) Since I was Six", a blissful love song from their best album Take it From the Man. The fifth track on the album comes after four hard hitting rockers tasty enough to fall head over heels before singer Anton Newcomb spouts the indecisive lyrics, "Does she love you? You suppose.". The album ends with the fantastic seventeen minute jam session "Straight Up and Down", with the band so caught up in the moment they begin chanting "Hey Jude". With my excitement at its peak of discovering Jonestown the previously mentioned song burst onto the opening credits of prohibition drama Boardwalk Empire, giving me hope that more folks would catch on to the bands excellence. However, Newcomb claims to have never even seen the show, appearing content to stay under the radar. The 90's should have belonged to this band who released seven different, progressive, and artful albums before the core of the group broke up. Yet, with a mind as active as Newcomb's the music continues to be delivered with the same passion to this day. I only wish I could go back to the first time someone played "Anemone" for me so I could feel that excitement of hearing The Brian Jonestown Massacre again for the first time.

Pavement

With five superb and radically different albums the Stephen Malkmus' lead band is able to lay claim to the only group with a perfect catalogue. Slanted and Enchanted begins the journey with the group sounding raw and edgy. Filled with improvisation from a band mates getting to know each other. Malkmus is quoted as saying this is probably their best record simply for how it created a new Indie genre. Crooked Rain, Crooked Rain follows with their most accessible and critically acclaimed set of songs. The album gave the group a following which seemed to irk the slackers the wrong way. In response they recorded Wowee Zowee, an assorted mess of genres ranging from folk "Father to a Sister of Thought" to borderline techno "Western Homes". Of the eighteen songs at least half seem to have inspired the sound for newly formed bands. Still, being a group of seemingly well educated members were once again eager silence the critics when they released Brighten the Corners. As the title implies there doesn't seem to be a throw away track on the entire track list. Kicked off with the sarcastic "Stereo" and finishing with the epic "Fin". Like all bands who spend countless hours together on tour emotions began to cause riffs. The turmoil is apparent in their finale Terror Twilight. Sounding more like a Malkmus solo piece, the songs focus on life after fame and settling back down into the middle class blur from whence they came.



The Apples in Stereo
There's nothing wrong with basing your groups music off another. The Beatles have inspired countless bands and were themselves inspired by early blues. The Apples quickly find their own sound with each progressive record. Happiness gushes from their songs usually keeping things light. Tracks featuring drummer Hilarie Sidney on vocals "Stay Gold" and "Winter Must Be Cold" give me goose bumps with every listen. It's also a nice change of pace from the whiney vocals of Robert Schneider. Even though the band has slowly shifted from psychedelia to techno pop, their early albums are amongst the best of the 90's.


Built to Spill

This group took a while to build on me, until a few months ago the music is now spilling out into my ear drums on a daily basis. The reason for this could be that for years the only record I owned was Perfect From Now On, which like the name suggests is a batch of eight perfectly crafted songs. Yet, there is not a stand out single in the bunch. Perhaps if I first listened to There is Nothing Wrong with Love, before handing out judgment I could have enjoyed this band for a longer span of time. Much like Pavement, band leader Doug Martsch adds an incredible intellectual touch to the music. They aren't some group of noisy misfits, but a well educated band with the ability produce songs of purposefully guided misdirection. The swirling dual guitars are constantly reaching a point of apex, while Martsch's lyrics keep everything grounded. Nirvana is no channeled in songs like "Some", but the lyrics are somewhat tongue and cheek, "Some people like her for her charm, some people take her for granted." Nobody sees one another in the same vein, all the more reason to give people second chances, because sometimes you might miss out on a hidden gem.



The Olivia Tremor Control
Despite only releasing two magnificent opus's, Will Cullen Hart and Bill Doss are among the most innovative minds ever to make music. The beautiful musical collages of Dusk at Cubist Castle and Black Foliage are works genius beyond any doubt. There are enough ideas on each of the two records to have enough material for a ten disc catalogue. It's difficult not to mention Neutral Milk Hotel who also only dropped two records of superior quality, but the Jeff Magnum led band had to have lent some inspiration. Both albums, at times, seem to teeter off into obscurity with prolonged journey's into Pink Floyd type noisy banter. However, the wait for actual music is well worth it. At one point on Dusk the words "How much longer can I wait", are uttered before a epic guitar solo in the vein of Jimi Hendrix. The same such tease occurs on Black Foliage as we lulled away from melodies for over ten minutes before the bands best song "California Demise" hits the air waves like a jolt of thunderous melodic bliss. New ideas and sounds appear with each listen, expanding each and every moment of sound glorious, introspective, and always enjoyable.

All five of these bands are likely considered classic rock here in 2013. I wonder how coincidental it is that my love of these five 90's bands is so strong despite never hearing them as I grew up. A recording is locked in time, so even though it was radio heavy bands like Weezer, The Red Hot Chili Peppers, and Green Day that were among my record collection during the decade, these five bands were inspired by the same satellite of time. Thanks for the eternal nirvana.  

Everything is Green

I have had a passionate love affair this summer. Our time together is spent entirely in the sunbaked hours. At times we allow others to share the enjoyment of our company, however the love is most pure while listening to Built to Spill jam sessions alone. The best part of it all is that everything is green.

“Will you birdy? Will you bogey? It doesn’t matter much. Just keep your head down and swing right round and soon you’ll be in the cup.”

The golf season is just about over. I’m surely going to take every advantage I can to get out there in the chilly weather. The feel of the club hitting the ball just right and watching the little white dot fly through the sky and land gently on freshly cut grass is what keeps me coming back.
 

“I never saw that boy in you locked behind your eyes.”

As I watch these older men approaching their seventies and eighties still able to give their balls a good stroke, they all have one thing in common. There is that youthful gleam in their eyes as they watch their shot soar. Even if their limbs are creaky, their minds fading, and their distance diminishing, they are still able to hit a ball and compete.

“In the woods what will we find? This day was made for you and I.”

 

Essex Green's "Everything is Green" has been a favorite song of mine for at least half a decade, however this discovery of the songs true meaning was never as clear as the gorgeous melody. Ah! the mystery of a well crafted tune.

Une Vie Rangï

Sometimes I wonder if there is any possible way I could settle down, move to North Dakota and live of the land. There is nothing more perfect than Pavement’s “Range Life” to examine the possibility of a middle class twenty something contemplating whether or not he can live a life of mundane obscurity. How I wish I could have this pop song playing in my head for all eternity, luckily there are so many lyrics that have stuck holes in my head to satisfy the craving.

 

“Hey you gotta’ pay your dues before you pay the rent.”

 
This is where I’m at right now in life and have been before. Money isn’t something that’s given, but growing up in an upper middle class family can at times feel like a life of luxury. However very quickly we discover that work must be done to earn these amenities.

“Until you snort it up or shoot it down your never gonna’ feel free.”

Drugs are something that temporarily heals the gaping void of existence. Filling that void with passions is rewarding, but so is the temptation of mixing drugs together with passions.

“School’s out what did you expect?”

So many kids go to school expecting bliss and for the most part receiving it. Then the big chill hits and you realize that the rest of your life a waits. So far I have found one true way of dealing with the continuous prospect of career building, relationship hunting, and peace of mind.

 

“Dreamin’ dream dream dream.”

 

We Are Underused

We all lie. Even it’s in the most subtle of ways. The most glorious part of a lie is that it never has to end, it can be ridden like a roller coaster until we die. All songs are lies. All movies are lies. All relationships are lies. Simply put I want to be entertained, and if a story is told that is has a copious amount of lies that's fine, just make sure hit nails me to my core.  Our instinct is to fabricate the truth. Pavement's gem “We Are Underused”, is an epic tribute to all those who stick honesty in their back pocket for the sake of a good story.

 

 

"Let's drink a toast to all those who will ride a lie, to tell about their struggles in hushed tones around the fire."

 

Don Jon

The wait is over; a film has finally been released that explains the alienation of our youth through media. A woman in her fifties stated while leaving the showing that the movie was pointless, everybody knows that a meaningful sexual relationship is better than meaningless sex. My quick response was, "You would be surprised as to how many people thrive on living such a lifestyle.”

The film's opening segment shows many well know clips of sexual breakthroughs in cinema, music, and television, such as Fast Times at Ridgemont High, a scene that most men and women born in the late 50's to late 60's must have had fond(ling) memories of. The montage continues into the narrative as the first third of the film allows a peek into a Jersey Shore like onslaught of raging hormones and sexual escapades. Our main character Jon begins as a ladies man addicted to sex with women who look like models from magazines, while going home and enjoying masturbating to women who look like whores too sexy to work the streets. His outlook on life changes by the end of the film, but his character does not, allowing the audience the luxury of not being forced to suspend any sort of disbelief.  

The largest mystery of the film posed to myself is what 'cars' represent. Several key scenes take place on and off screen with vehicles. Early on Jon states that his 'ride' is one of the few most important things he values. The meaning clearly points towards Jon's macho sexual nature. However the vehicle he drives also keeps him in a shell, much like pornography allows him to lose himself. Don shows no fear in shouting to the ignorant drivers of New Jersey, until eventually he punches in a car window forcing him to show the emotion of pain. Later in the film John chooses to have sex with the older and more mature Esther in the back seat of her car, a very vulnerable place to make love. Later in the scene Esther reveals that her family was killed in a car accident sadly stating, "Cars can be awful things," or something to that affect. However they still make beautiful love putting Jon into a sexual frenzy porn has ever given him. After sleeping with Esther, Jon is seen driving in his car ecstatically bouncing to "Good Vibrations" by Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch completely lost in love stricken bliss. Jon is bellowing the songs chorus as he reaches a stop light where an Asian couple shoots him a disconcerting smirk. Jon does his best to shy away from the embarrassment. I do not believe we ever see Jon in a vehicle again.

Eye contact also plays a large role in the film. While picking up women Jon can tell immediately if the woman is interested. It seems to be a sort of primal force between humans. This continues throughout the film in a variety of ways. Upon dating Barbara, the romantic comedy obsessed Jersey girl peach, there are very subtle downward glances by her character. She is constantly playing the game of hard to get, a trait that the beautiful bombshell has no doubt picked up from the entire ersatz ardor she watches on the big screen every day. Scenes within the church are both the most comical as well as the most frustrating. The comedy lies within the Catholic Churches readiness to forgive their followers through a private confession addressed to a Priest who in turn passes the sins onto the one and only God. This leads to a line I laughed at with glee. After Jon told the Priest he had only slept with one woman several times out of wedlock, and did not engage in any pornographic sessions. The Priest again advised him to say ten Hail Mary’s and ten Our Father’s. Jon’s response had me rolling in the isle, “Father, how do you come up with these numbers?” Jon is never shown within a church again.

It’s great to see a movie in my dreams produced and released. Although my top ten films list of 2013 is still in progress Don Jon is in the top 3 along with Frances Ha and Upstream Color. Certainly seeing more of the Martello clan characters fleshed out would have been intriguing. Exploring the Martello’s may have given insight into exactly why Jon was brought up to become the man we despise, yet still root for as our protagonist. Although director Joseph Gordon-Levitt gives us clues through an honest depiction of what family life is like at the Martello family dinners, there is never any fleshed out dialogue sequence between any of the family members. Perhaps that is the intention of the film. This family is so close knit that meaningful words cannot really be spoken at the intellectual levels craved by a more intelligent film viewer.

Keep working Joe, you are extremely talented, after viewing Brick there was no doubt in my mind you were going to explode onto the scene. Hollywood has caught the bug too, so cash in on some good Hollywood blockbusters, then go back to fine tuning your beautiful craft. hH

 

Reasons

"Every Now's a big surprise."



 

In the name of all great liars, I would like to admit that every sexual experience I've ever had has changed my life drastically. Every person that has entered my life has made an impact. Every song that has filtered through my ear drums has led me to dance. Every drug filtered into my blood has subdued me to bliss. Every film I've ever viewed never made my eyes even the least bit weary.

And every time I've time fallen in love, that love has slowly faded. These are all reasons to be weary of any life changing moment. Because all of life is both monumental and meaningless. The colors, shapes and sizes are in a constant change. 

Other People

Other people drive my life. I love underground rock done by Anton Newcomb and Matt Hollywood. I crave new movies by Shane Carruth. Anyone who tries to imitate Lennon or Reed can take all of the little dimes left in my pocket. Still, despite all my faults and unwillingness to conform, my life continues and thrives! Tomorrow may never know... 

 

.

Oldman

My playwriting teacher first told me how amazing the film performances of Gary Oldman truly were. She threw in Daniel Day Lewis as his near equal, but looking at both actors in full there is truly only one master. In a film history class the same professor screened Sid and Nancy which not only indulged my punkish craving but fueled the filmmaking craze I was hooked on at the time. Looking back the first film I probably saw from him was The Fifth Element.

Zorg was such a villainous presence to a ten year old, but fifteen years later every scene is hilarious. Dracula remains to this day to be terrifyingly brilliant. Gary brings such an amazing human nature to all his rolls. The final scene of Dracula smooching the chick from Beetlejuice spurs a particular memory of me questing my father, "Why is she kissing that gross old man?" The Professional was the first time I was truly moved consciously by an Oldman performance and it remains my favorite. Although familiar I didn't realize he was the same actor from the other films that I had seen him in. His ability to transform his body contortions as well his accent is brilliant and his performance in True Romance is what got me completely hooked and fully aware of this range. I'm about to watch The Contender, which is one of the last films that I haven't seen in the Oldman film catalogue. Honestly I do not know what to expect from Gary playing a villainous Republican politician. I'm very curious as to why the population as a whole doesn't recognize Gary as the great actor that he is. His chameleon nature and lack of any noticeable facial features, such as his buddy Tim Roth's nose for example, surely allows him to roam the streets and screen with little paparazzi assiduity. As Gary gracefully ages his performances are becoming more internal, in turn showing his endless range as a faker. Whether or not the Academy recognizes Oldman's ability to internalize his emotions in turn leading to a long overdue Oscar is still up in the air. One thing is certain, Oldman is the best working actor in Hollywood and I anticipate every performance with glee.

Straight Up and Down

"We don't want you to be yourself you see, we want you to free your self."

 

 

 

I love you don't drag me down. Because when I'm with you I truly don't care if I'm living or I'm dying. You say that you are my very best friend, but you never can tell. I can make you believe. Hey Jude!

 



If You're Feeling Sinister

Gathering together to spiritually connect seems fugal in the sense that we all hold our own individual holy spirit. This is precisely why we get these sinister feelings at different times randomly throughout our lives. Waking up feeling sinister is an emotion to cherish. Belle and Sebastian relate this perfectly and melodically in "If You're Feeling Sinister". The sinister emotion is very childish in nature. All children have unruly thoughts and are typically unable to recognize the emotion and thus will act upon it. It likely stems from jealousy or perhaps social isolation. As adults we have learned how to filter out the emotion through various outlets. For example by listening to a jangly tune by a band that fills the empty space in your heart with a childish joy.

Going to Acapulco

"It's a wicked life, but what the hell, shit everybody's got to eat."

 

Tomorrow is Monday morning, most people in their right minds are about to start another week of work in an already fading summer. But for those of us privileged enough to sleep in on a Monday morning in August keep the dream in mind. There is a place in this world for everyone. A nook and cranny for each of our eccentricities. Someone once told me as I put on Dylan's "Going to Acapulco" that Bob has made a living off writing songs that force people to feel depressed. This is a true enough statement, but that doesn't mean it's all true. Dylan writes songs that are filled with hope to those feeling lost in their lowest moments. He then picks you up and slam you down simultaneously. In this particular song he proves my point with the lyric,

"Well, sometimes you know when the well breaks down, I just go pump on it some."

 

Happiness is driven by the fuel of Monday morning's. While the Sunday night blues are difficult to fathom, the question remains, what are we really dreading about a beautiful Monday morning that is so unbearable. Whether you love your job or feel as though nothing will ever be okay, there is still meaning in something. Next Sunday's episode of Breaking Bad should be worth the full work week, I mean the upcoming dialogue between Hank and Jessie can easily unhinge our souls forward for another work week. God damn, take me away from this dull dream.

 

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